selamat berpuasa...

penoreh telur...

Toreh 'anu' kawan

Oleh Ridzuan Ahmad
am@hmetro.com.my

ALOR STAR: Disebabkan tidak puas hati hanya memperoleh 50 sen selepas memeras ugut rakan sekelas, seorang murid tahun satu sanggup bertindak ganas dengan menoreh buah zakar rakannya dengan sebilah pisau lipat di sebuah sekolah kebangsaan di bandar raya ini, tengah hari kelmarin. 

baca selanjutnya di sini

dahulukala:

budak2 sekolah kalau bergaduh, kira biasa lah... kalau budak lelaki balik sekolah baju kotor2, mesti sebab bergaduh kat padang, tak puas hati kena tackle lebih2 ke apa...

zaman 1malaysia:

budak darjah 1 pow duit classmate - agak normal

budak darjah 1 pukul classmate sebab tak bagi duit - agak ganas

budak darjah 1 toreh testis classmate sebab 50sen - ???

apa lah nak jadi dengan budak2 sekarang ni... takut betul aku... baru darjah 1 tapi sampai tahap boleh paksa kawan bukak seluar, pastu toreh "anu" ngan pisau lipat... naik menengah tak tau la apa yang nak ditoreh pulak...

tapi aku tak salahkan sepenuhnya kat budak tu... macam apa yang berita tu tulis, mak budak "penoreh telur" tu boleh buat dek je dengan apa yang terjadi... menepati logik akal la anak dia jadi macam tu, sel2 otak tak bersambung sebab tak minum enfagrow agaknya... ntahla...

semakin hari semakin takut aku nak ada anak sendiri...

32 and counting...

marilah kita sama2 amalkan doa yang aku cilok kat sini ni... mudah2an kita semua senantiasa di bawah peliharaan dan perlindungan Nya, dijauhkan dari segala jenis penyakit dan bala termasuklah h1n1... amin...

sorry la kat org2 yang terkejut tengok mask aku ni hihi...

siapa yg patut aku ikut?

aku dalam dilema... dulu time ambik lesen, instructor ajar kat simpang kena berhenti sebelum garisan putih... tapi yg aku tengok depan mata tadi ni lain pulak... siapa yang patut aku ikut, yang mengajar atau yang menyaman?

chelaka lah kamu!

aku blogwalking tadi, terjumpa lubuk gambar ngeri, chelaka.com namanya... memang celaka lah gambar2 dalam tu, stok gore sampai membawa ke igauan ngeri, serius... tapi, yang aku tak berapa nak ngeri, tapi sedih cam nak nangis tengok adalah gambar2 ni...

Teknik Membunuh Kucing Kejam Gila Bangsat

1. Posisikan anak kucing anda dalam keadaan mengiring

2. Pijak dengan bersahaja dengan mengalihkan berat badan ke kaki sebelah lagi

3. Tekan dengan sekuat hati tanpa rasa bersalah sampai biji mata kucing tersembul keluar

4. Gesek sehingga lumat. Tambah sedikit gula jika perlu.

ayat2 tu aku tambah2, dalam web asal ada pic je... bukan nak melawak, tapi nak lepaskan geram... aku tak boleh bayang camne ada manusia berakal (dari kasut high heels tu aku rasa cukup membuktikan pelaku tu bukan dari kategori kurang akal, gila atau belum mumaiyiz) yang sanggup buat camtu...

Nabi s.a.w bersabda: "Sesiapa yang menyeksa haiwan dengan mengerat, mengoyak, mencabut atau mengelar mana-mana anggotanya, maka ditimpakan atasnya laknat Allah dan Malaikat serta manusia semuanya." - Ibn Umar r.a Sumber: JAKIM

And that's when the fight started....

ctrl+C ctrl+V from here

Joke #1:

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

********************************************************************

Joke #2:

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************

Joke #3:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke #4:

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started....

*********************************************************************

Joke#5:

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke#6:

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me acompliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke#7:

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself." I replied.

And that's when the fight started....

***********************************************************************

Joke #8:

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started....

***************************************************************************

Joke #9:

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silverhair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************

Joke #10:

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started....

****************************************************************************

Joke #11:

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started....

*******************************************************************

Joke #12:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started....

awas duit palsu...

originally from here

kat ofis mane la dorg ni agak2 nya... kalau pejabat kerajaan pon ada yg camni, aku tak pelik la kenapa borang selalu lambat proses ^_~



more pics here

two pictures say two thousand words...

need i say more? my little kitty had said it all...

april atau kita yang fool?

originally from risalah fikrah, ctrl+c & ctrl+v from here

April Fool's Day ini mula dirayakan sewaktu kejatuhan kerajaan Islam di Sepanyol. Setelah bertapak berkurun-kurun lamanya di Granada, Sepanyol, kerajaan Islam akhirnya runtuh diserang tentera-tentera Kristian.

Penduduk-penduduk Islam diSepanyol (Moors) terpaksa berlindung di dalam rumah masing-masing untuk menyelamatkan diri. Tentera-tentera Kristian bagaimanapun tidak berpuas hati dan berusaha untuk menghapuskan orang-orang Islam dr Sepanyol.

Penduduk-penduduk muslim ini, diberitahu bahwa mereka boleh berlayar keluar dari Sepanyol dengan selamat bersama-sama barang-barang keperluan mereka dengan menggunakan kapal-kapal yang berlabuh dipelabuhan. Orang-orang Muslim yang risau sekiranya tawaran tersebut merupakan suatu penipuan, telah pergi keperlabuhan untuk melihat kapal-kapal yang dimaksudkan.

Setelah berpuas hati, mereka membuat persiapan untuk bertolak. Keesokan harinya (1April), mereka mengambil semua barangan yang telah disiapkan menuju ke perlabuhan. Pada masa inilah pihak Kristian mengambil kesempatan untuk menggeledah dan kemudian membakar rumah penduduk-penduduk Islam ini.

Mereka juga tidak sempat untuk menaiki kapal kerana semuanya dibakar. Pihak Kristian kemudiannya menyerang kaum muslim dan membunuh kesemuanya, lelaki, perempuan, serta anak-anak kecil. Peristiwa berdarah yang menyedihkan ini kemudiannya diraikan oleh tentera Kristian. Keraian ini akhirnya dirayakan setiap tahun bukan sahaja di Sepanyol tetapi juga di serata dunia.

Yang menyedihkan, orang-orang Islam yang jahil mengenai peristiwa ini turut meraikan April Fool's Day tanpa menyedari mereka sebenarnya merayakan ulang tahun pembunuhan beramai-ramai saudara seIslam mereka sendiri. Semoga Allah sentiasa membuka pintu taubat untuk kita.

wtf's of the day: fakta ke tak, wallahuallam... so amacam? nak sambut gak ke tak?

adakah kerana kain orang lebih cantik?

orang kita sangat suka jaga tepi kain orang... memang dah macam di encode dalam dna orang kita, dari la zaman pak pandir, sampai zaman kj, mesti nak kena ambik tahu pasal orang lain... tak kira la jiran ke, saudara mara ke, rakan sekerja ke, mesti nak "sibuk-badan"...

semalam ada berita pasal satu family dekat pahang yang nyaris murtad sebab tak tahan kena cerca, hina, buli, dan macam2 lagi dengan jiran, hanya sebab mereka ni miskin... macam ni ke perangai orang melayu yang 99.9% (harap2) islam? sudah lah tak menolong, ditambahkan pula lagi beban dorang tu... ape la... sampai sanggup potong paip air, baling batu semua... macam kaum jahiliyah... malu aku nak mengaku orang pahang...

dan akibat tak tahan dengan tekanan, mereka ni mengambil jalan mudah yang mungkin last resort bagi dorg, untuk tukar agama kepada agama yang memang terkenal dengan "kemurahan hati" itu... mungkin ada sampai "dakyah" agama ni yang memang mewah wang ringgit ke pengetahuan keluarga ni, jadi dah termakan umpan... dan mungkin juga mereka ni agak kurang ilmu, tambah pulak dengan desakan hidup susah, dimeriahkan lagi dengan "sokongan" jiran2 yang "mulia"... memang nampak satu jalan keluar je la kan... nasib baik la ada yang prihatin tolong selamatkan, kalau tak, "selamat" la agama tu dapat sekeluarga penganut baru...

yang terkini, ada plak rakan blog aku ni pon jadi mangsa orang dok jaga tepi kain dia gak... cantik barangkali kain dia ^_- ... dah besar panjang, siap masuk universiti pon, mentaliti masih paras bawah buku lali... cukup la dengan pakaian yang makin singkat, otak pon nak ikut sama ke? ntah la... sampai bila orang kita nak obses dengan kain orang lain, aku pon tak tau... nasib baik la aku selalu pakai seluar, jarang pakai kain ^_-

p/s: hari ni buat pertama kali dalam hidup, aku kebumikan kucing... dengan bantuan busu, ktorg tanam dia belakang rumah... kucing sebelah ni mati petang tadi, setelah sekian lama dia menumpang kat belakang rumah kitorg... ibu dia cam tak amik kisah kat dia, sampai tak cukup menyusu semua... aku bagi susu kotak, tak minum... dah syak dia ni ada penyakit, badan pon lemah je... dari hidup terseksa, mungkin lebih baik dia "balik" je... puteh RIP

amir raja lawak masuk final? nenek aku lagi lawak...

aku betul2 tak faham dengan orang2 yang sms undi mamat ini... entah apa yang lawak aku pun tak tahu... cakap pun tak lancar... kalau boleh stay lama aku tak pelik lagi, ini boleh sampai masuk final...

tapi kalau dah satu negeri undi dia, aku tak pelik la... memang lah takde kene mengena ngan aku, tapi tak adil bagi peserta lain... patut pun tagline dia "i'm sorry!"...

lawak kau tu buat buang masa dekat bundle boleh la... ngarut

ketenangan minda...

wahai mitshubishi;

apa kau ingat memandu forklift itu dapat menjamin ketenangan minda kah?

dan adakah mengangkat objek2 1 tan dengan kenderaan comel itu menenangkan?

中国马来人... a Malay from China...

i guess we can only find this situation in malaysia... 2 malays, 1 interview but 3 different languages... very interesting for me... this old chap right here is jamaluddin ibrahim - 迦瑪... he is the son of the late shamsiah fakeh, the veteran Communist leader who spent nearly 40 years in exile, in china... jamaluddin is well known in the chinese community as a columnist and political analysts... fluent in mandarin, since he was born and bred in china...

definitely will send my future kids to chinese school... just like what my abah did...

dakyah tersembunyi...

aritu aku gi kedai ekonomi teman busu beli papercup untuk potluck... sekali time nak bayar, aku ternampak ada jual mende gantung atas ni... kalau tengok pic kat atas, sekali imbas mungkin takde pape yang pelik... standard lukisan khat biase yang kita taruk kat dinding umah... aku tengok cam cantik je, murah lak tu...

sekali aku tengok cam ade yang pelik... aku perasan yang kat tengah tu pompuan, tapi asal tak pakai tudung lak... ye la kan, kalau poster artis biase la, tapi ni ayat2 khat... pastu aku tgk cam pompuan tu berdiri kat depan tembok ...

bile tengok makin dekat, sah tu wailing wall... aku cam kaler dinding die tu, ala2 tanah liat sket... nak check and compare bole tengok kat bawah ni...

yang jual kat kedai ekonomi... yang die wat tekup muka tu torah aku rase...

yang orang yahudi termasuk bush ni dok meratap kat jerusalem sane...

What is the Wailing Wall?
info from www.wisegeek.com

The Wailing Wall or Western Wall is the remains of the great Jewish temple, which had stood for close to 500 years. Herod began rebuilding and adding on to the temple in approximately 19 B.C.E., and the total work was not finished until fifty years later. The temple itself was destroyed by the Romans only a few years after its completion, circa 70 C.E.

It is thought by Jews to be the most sacred of places, because the temple itself was thought to be the place where God resides on earth. Praying at the Wailing Wall signifies being in the presence of the Divine. Jews from all countries, and as well as tourists of other religious backgrounds, come to pray at the wall, where it is said one immediately has the “ear of god.” Those who cannot pray at the wall can send prayers or ask for the Kaddish to be said for departed loved ones. Prayers sent in are placed into the cracks of the walls and are called tzetzels. There is usually a small charge for this service.

The name "Wailing Wall" is actually a Christian term. The Jews refer to the wall as the Western Wall or Kotel HaMaaravi. Though the Wailing Wall has been considered the holiest of places on earth for Jews, it has also been the source of grief and war.

read more here

aku tak tau la dah ade blom orang kite yang beli pastu boh kat umah... harap2 takde la... busu dah cakap kat budak jage tu, salah kalau jual... tapi die kate taktau... dan tadi aku gi kedai tu, mende tu still tergantung dengan megahnya... feel free to copy, quote, forward or whatever you wanna do with this entry, but do inform please... senang sket aku nak petik name sape papehal hehehe...

last but not least, wahai kedai ekonomi;

lu pikir la sindri...

let's do our part...

seeing the pictures of innocent little children in Gaza bring tears to my eyes... still praying for the war to end... but i'm pretty sure that all the killings and bombings will be there for many more days, or perhaps months to come...

so please people, let us make a difference, although there is nothing much for us to do... by donating some amount to these links, at least these organization can collect enough fund in helping them... all major credit cards and paypal are accepted...

United Nations Relief and Works Agency

human appeal international

the freegaza movement

serangan balas...

hehehehe...

dalam entri sebelom ni, aku ade meluahkan tak puas hati dgn maxis melalui contengan atas meja kelas... tak sengaja pon, ingat nak padam... sekali next day aku tengok, dah ada yang membalas lak ^_-

katun ala2 spongebob tu tanya "apa ko ckp neh"

suke conteng meja agaknya budak2 uitm ni... so skang aku lepaskan tanggungjawab kat ko la tukang balas utk padam ye hihi

ni plak koleksi terbaru aku... dalam word bubble tu tulis "si" = mati... klas mandrin tadi, aku ngantuk so meja jadi mangsa lagi skali...

masalah aku...

kusut.

memang payah untuk aku luahkan dengan kata2...
aku tau, dah lama sangat terbuku...
tapi untuk mengeluarkannya, aku buntu...
mungin bagi orang lain, mereka tak sesusah aku...

jadi mereka tak dapat merasai apa yang aku rasa...
dah macam2 cara aku cuba...
tapi hasilnya masih belum juga...
aku tak salahkan mereka, kerana ianya bukan boleh dipinta2...

tapi ia datang dengan sendiri...
mungkin ada yang pernah alami...
mungin kalian ini mengerti...
faham akan isi hati ini...

semakin hari semakin sakit...

aku rasa ingin menjerit...

tapi terasa makin perit...

bebaskanlah aku...

wahai sembelit...

p/s: dah 3 ari beb, wajib sok aku gi bintang beli pisang... harap2 aku berjaya...

maxis sucks, big time...

i am sick of lame excuses that are being displayed on my phone... especially no access to network... wtf? it's not like i'm in the endau-rompin reserve or whatsoever... come on la maxis... buckle up... a lot of your loyal customers have migrated to digi... sooner or later i'll hop on the wagon as well... at least that fat-yellow-annoying thing is doing his job...

so maxis, this is my sketching on the class desk dedicated to you... it is inspired by the boredomness of the lecture...
p/s: the chinese characters in the word bubble reads "ben dan", which means "stupid"...

sorry la uitm... nanti aku padam la...

save palestine...

Doa Qunut Nazilah Untuk Palestin

اللهم ﺇنانجعلك في نحور أعدائنا ونعوذبك من شرورهم
اللهم بدد شملهم وفرق جمعهم وستت كلمتهم وزلزل أقدامهم
وسلط عليهم كلبا من كلابك يا قهار يا جبار يا منتقم
ياالله ياالله ياالله
اللهم يا منزل الكتاب ويا مجري السحاب ويا هازم الاحزاب
ﺇهزمهم ﺇهزمهم ﺇهزمه
وانصرنا عليهم

Ya Allah,
Sesungguhnya kami meletakkan Mu di batang-batang leher musuh-musuh kami
Dan kami berlindung dengan Mu daripada kejahatan-kejahatan mereka

Ya Allah,
Leburkanlah kumpulan-kumpulan mereka
Pecah belahkan dan kacau bilaukan persatuan mereka
Goncangkan pendirian mereka
Dan hantarkanlah anjing-anjing Mu kepada mereka
Wahai Tuhan yang gagah perkasa Wahai Tuhan yang penuh raksasa
Wahai Tuhan yang bersifat murka

Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah Ya Allah,
Wahai Tuhan yang menurunkan kitab
Wahai Tuhan yang mengarakkan awan
Wahai Tuhan yang menewaskan bala tentera Al-Ahzab
Kalahkan mereka kalahkan mereka
Kalahkan mereka dan menangkan kami ke atas mereka.

Bebaskan Palestin!

Amin

larian amal tasik sek7...

sila klik utk perbesarkan
*yang dimaksudkan adalah gambar ye, bukan lubang hidung

ini adalah seekor orang utan yang tidak mengamalkan permakanan gizi seimbang

jgn tertpu... ni bkn memanjat pokok nmenye... pkok ni condong ala2 nk menyembah bumi dh... aku gayat, tak pndai pnjat2 pon...

sudin kate pokok ni cm kt oversea... aku tak tau la plak negara mane... namibia selatan agknye...

perbualan berikut hanyalah rekaan semata2, tiada kena mengena dgn yg hidup, dah meninggal, sedang nyawa2 ikan ataupon tgh koma...

*BM:bju merah; BH:bju hitam

Scene 1...
BM: cptla u, td kate nk joging... ni dri td asik jln je...
BH: ala i tgh joging la ni...

Scene 2...
BM: ala malas la tunggu u dh... i joging sorg la...
BH: u ni, takkan cmtu pon dh nk mrajuk bucuk...




MAKLUMAN:
kualiti gambar kurang memuaskan nafsu. amik pki camera fon je kot, bkn DSLR nk sharp2...