selamat hari raya...

sesal dahulu pendapatan...

selamat berpuasa...

penoreh telur...

Toreh 'anu' kawan

Oleh Ridzuan Ahmad
am@hmetro.com.my

ALOR STAR: Disebabkan tidak puas hati hanya memperoleh 50 sen selepas memeras ugut rakan sekelas, seorang murid tahun satu sanggup bertindak ganas dengan menoreh buah zakar rakannya dengan sebilah pisau lipat di sebuah sekolah kebangsaan di bandar raya ini, tengah hari kelmarin. 

baca selanjutnya di sini

dahulukala:

budak2 sekolah kalau bergaduh, kira biasa lah... kalau budak lelaki balik sekolah baju kotor2, mesti sebab bergaduh kat padang, tak puas hati kena tackle lebih2 ke apa...

zaman 1malaysia:

budak darjah 1 pow duit classmate - agak normal

budak darjah 1 pukul classmate sebab tak bagi duit - agak ganas

budak darjah 1 toreh testis classmate sebab 50sen - ???

apa lah nak jadi dengan budak2 sekarang ni... takut betul aku... baru darjah 1 tapi sampai tahap boleh paksa kawan bukak seluar, pastu toreh "anu" ngan pisau lipat... naik menengah tak tau la apa yang nak ditoreh pulak...

tapi aku tak salahkan sepenuhnya kat budak tu... macam apa yang berita tu tulis, mak budak "penoreh telur" tu boleh buat dek je dengan apa yang terjadi... menepati logik akal la anak dia jadi macam tu, sel2 otak tak bersambung sebab tak minum enfagrow agaknya... ntahla...

semakin hari semakin takut aku nak ada anak sendiri...

32 and counting...

marilah kita sama2 amalkan doa yang aku cilok kat sini ni... mudah2an kita semua senantiasa di bawah peliharaan dan perlindungan Nya, dijauhkan dari segala jenis penyakit dan bala termasuklah h1n1... amin...

sorry la kat org2 yang terkejut tengok mask aku ni hihi...

kisah cinta orang eskimo...

this song should be the OST for Brokeback Mountain sequel...

choki's 2nd batch...

tersenyum girang selepas selesai melahirkan...

ibu yg sedang menyusukan sedang disusukan...

batalion kedua askar choki diraja...

iDOLA ku...

objek yg dipegang najib di atas lah yang menyibukkan diriku sejak kebalakangan ini...

my name is randy...

aku tau show ni dah outdated gile, tapi baru2 ni je aku start tengok dan addicted sampai dah 3 season aku marathon... dulu time tayang kat ntv7 cam tak menarik sekali dah tengok banyak2 episod syok plak...

Michael Jackson - 1958-2009...

michael jackson had passed away from cardiac arrest a few hours ago... he was 1 of my favourite singer ever since i was a kid... i was growing up listening to his songs, watching his awesomeness via vhs... in the 80's, he was really something... his kind of music, provocative dance moves and mind blowing music videos are way beyond its time... plus his songs are so universal, anybody can relate to each and everyone of them... whether you are filthy rich or homeless poor, deeply in love or submerged in hate, well taken care off or just simply being ignored...

although in the recent years his weirdness kinda overcomes his stardom, his songs still captures the hearts of millions around the world, including me... there was a rumour few years back that he converted to Islam, don't know for sure if it was for real or not... nevertheless, may the Almighty bless his soul, and may he rests in peace...

here's are some of his songs that i like the most... there are many others that i like, but embedding are not allowed by its uploaders in youtube... thanks for the nice music, dear jacko... there's a vast different between someone who sings with the mic, and those who sings with their soul... there might be another elvis or marley one day, but there will never be another MICHAEL JACKSON...












more news here

bye TCRS, hi MIMOS...

yesterday was my last day working with chicken rice shop... it was an unforgettable experience for me though it was only a 6-week period of part time job... made lots of friends, met all sort of people and learnt so many new things...

starting next wednesday, i'll be in Mimos for my practical training... don't know much on what to expect being an engineering intern, but 1 thing for sure, next 6-month will include many observations, plenty of testings and tonnes of calculations... no more taking orders and wiping tables for me... sigh...

siapa yg patut aku ikut?

aku dalam dilema... dulu time ambik lesen, instructor ajar kat simpang kena berhenti sebelum garisan putih... tapi yg aku tengok depan mata tadi ni lain pulak... siapa yang patut aku ikut, yang mengajar atau yang menyaman?

100th post...

this is my 100th post (including 2 posts which are still unpublished)... never imagined that i will stay blogging this long, since i have never stayed long in anything that i am into through out my life...

i guess it's a double celebration for me today... firstly, to commemorate my 100th post, i am hereby officially opening my blogshop, Wardrone Wardrobe... only got a couple of things to sell for now, but more items will be uploaded in due time... mostly are my pre-owned stuffs... do check it out...

secondly, uitm result was out yesterday, and thanks to the Almighty, i managed to get a gpa of 3.92... what a relief... alhamdulillah...

penantian itu satu penyeksaan...

kenapa mesti tak pernah betul2 on time macam yg dijanjikan? gaerogiheor;ghnalkgnao

chelaka lah kamu!

aku blogwalking tadi, terjumpa lubuk gambar ngeri, chelaka.com namanya... memang celaka lah gambar2 dalam tu, stok gore sampai membawa ke igauan ngeri, serius... tapi, yang aku tak berapa nak ngeri, tapi sedih cam nak nangis tengok adalah gambar2 ni...

Teknik Membunuh Kucing Kejam Gila Bangsat

1. Posisikan anak kucing anda dalam keadaan mengiring

2. Pijak dengan bersahaja dengan mengalihkan berat badan ke kaki sebelah lagi

3. Tekan dengan sekuat hati tanpa rasa bersalah sampai biji mata kucing tersembul keluar

4. Gesek sehingga lumat. Tambah sedikit gula jika perlu.

ayat2 tu aku tambah2, dalam web asal ada pic je... bukan nak melawak, tapi nak lepaskan geram... aku tak boleh bayang camne ada manusia berakal (dari kasut high heels tu aku rasa cukup membuktikan pelaku tu bukan dari kategori kurang akal, gila atau belum mumaiyiz) yang sanggup buat camtu...

Nabi s.a.w bersabda: "Sesiapa yang menyeksa haiwan dengan mengerat, mengoyak, mencabut atau mengelar mana-mana anggotanya, maka ditimpakan atasnya laknat Allah dan Malaikat serta manusia semuanya." - Ibn Umar r.a Sumber: JAKIM

jadi jutawan dengan hanya menjual nama...

hanya gambar hiasan. tiada kena mengena dengan yang hidup, dah mati atau sedang sakaratul maut

aku kini bergelar jutawan hanya dengan menjual namaku di sini...



nama best memang mahal, itu fakta hakiki

And that's when the fight started....

ctrl+C ctrl+V from here

Joke #1:

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started....

********************************************************************

Joke #2:

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************

Joke #3:

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke #4:

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy shit. That must be my husband!'

So the man jumped out of the bed, scared and naked, and jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'

The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'

And that's when the fight started....

*********************************************************************

Joke#5:

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for$14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke#6:

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me acompliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And that's when the fight started....

**************************************************************************

Joke#7:

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first."I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself." I replied.

And that's when the fight started....

***********************************************************************

Joke #8:

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And that's when the fight started....

***************************************************************************

Joke #9:

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silverhair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************

Joke #10:

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.

And that's when the fight started....

****************************************************************************

Joke #11:

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a scale.

And that's when the fight started....

*******************************************************************

Joke #12:

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started....

akan datang...

aku baru lepas tengok cerita hantu Thai, Coming Soon... cerita hantu Thai memang jarang mengecewakan bagi aku, berbanding cerita2 hantu jepun @ korea yang boleh membuatkan aku terlelap, pastu terjaga untuk terkejut, kemudian sambung terlelap balik... dan filem Coming Soon ni adalah hasil karya screenwriter untuk Shutter yang popular dulu tu... memang tertarik menarik kau memang da' bomb lah aku nak tengok...

bagi yang belum tengok, secara ringkasnya cerita ni berkisar pasal hantu yang muncul dekat panggung wayang (bukan punggung ayam, baca betul2)... aku bersyukur sgt2 cerita ni baru sekarang ni keluar... kalau filem ni tayang time aku kerja GSC Sunway Carnival Seberang Jaya dulu, alamatnya hantar surat resign la aku... time kerja situ dulu, memang agak seram la kalau round hall sorang2 pas midnight show... pukul 2-3 pagi, tempat luas dan gelap pastu kau dok berjalan turun naik tangga sorg2, memang meremangkan bulu2 karpet... nasib baik time tu takde plak terbayang scene2 yang ada cam dalam cerita ni *..*"

kesimpulannya, kalau dok rumah sorg2 takde pe nak layan dan rasa nak ditakut2kan, sila la tonton cerita ni... kalau pasni trauma nak masuk panggung wayang, kira ok la, jimat duit... tiket wayang mahal woooo, pastu dah beli senang2 je steward kat entrance tu koyak dengan muka takde perasaan kasih sesama insan...

teringin nak bela kucing comel? jawapannya di sini!

choki mengandung lagi... nak tak nak, aku terpaksa let go anak2 dia sket... kepada sesiapa yang berminat boleh la contact aku kat chatbox atau comments...

bagi free tak dapat la memandangkan aku pon tak berincome lagi, dan kucing2 zaman sekarang ni faham2 la, bukan cam kucing zaman mak bapak kita bela dulu... tapi tak la mahal cam beli kat kedai kan, sekadar cukup untuk menampung perbelanjaan choki dan anak2 baru nanti...

kepada beginners, boleh la try... syok wo bela kucing... nak2 plak bela sampai beranak cam aku bela choki dulu, seronot nyia ^_^ sekarang dah tinggal 3 ekor, so kalau nak maklumat lanjut sila tinggalkan pesanan selepas nada beep k? cepat sementara stok masih ada!

aksi meniarap ala mengendap jiran

ni gambar time nak buat ic dulu

posing ala artis2 tepi swimming pool dalam majalah mangga tayang buah mangga

owh silap... kucing yg ni tak jual... sekadar gambar hiasan ~_~

produktiviti asas kualiti...

sebelum ni aku tak pernah tau plak yang kucing pon ada morning sickness, tapi selepas baca dalam web dan jadi kat choki masa first pregnancy dulu, baru aku percaya... selera makan pon bertambah2 sebab berbadan enam...

minggu lepas choki muntah2... alamatnya dalam 2 bulan lagi anak2 kucing aku dapat adik baru la... mesti batch baru ni pon gelap2 gak sebab suspek utama kucing bapa adalah si hitam homeless yang selalu datang bertandang usha2 choki... mentang2 la choki diva tervogue area ni, memilih betol... nak barang baek je... lambat laun nak kena neuter jugak choki ni...

dah nak dapat adik pon menyusu lagi, pe cite?

gambar lama ni, muka masih suci... sekarang ni dah macam harimau aku tengok...

ni mom's carbon copy, muka sebijik cam choki...

kalau choki tak buat muka mata pedih potong bawang tu mesti boleh nampak persamaan wajah dorg...

aksi panas oleh choki, kanak2 sila tengok tempat lain...

dia ni dah duk umah akak aku, rasa kaya la tu tidur camtu...

proses buat muka kesian mintak makan lagi padahal baru pas mencekik, jangan terpedaya...

sekolahku sorgaku...

image taken from here

semalam, aku telah dipaksa oleh Ashkut untuk bermain futsal bersama2 dengan member2 sekolah lama aku dulu... sejak habis sekolah 9 tahun yang lepas, ni la 1st time aku join mende2 ala reunion camni... bukan sombong, tapi aku segan ngan budak2 sekolah aku... dorang semua dah berkerjaya, aku masih "sekolah"... yang ada semalam, Hardcore - doktor di HUKM, Trasher - QA di Osram, Tak Sang - tokey kedai spek, Ayim - PTD, Aboy - akauntan, Maru - juruaudit... gila gempak semua... nasib baik la ada Ashkut ngan Ayam yang still kat UiTM cam aku... so tak la segan sangat...

memang cam bodoh main futsal 4 sebelah tanpa keeper sebab tak cukup orang... tapi aku still enjoy... video ada tapi tak boleh upload sebab banyak sangat caci maki yang tak sesuai untuk pembaca bawah umur... mulut longkang semuanya, mencarut aje kerja... teringat balik zaman sekolah yang memang bahagia walaupun senantiasa dihambat warden... lepas penat main futsal, penat gelak plak... semua masing2 bukak cerita lama... pasal Ayam ngan Gabus kantoi rokok tapi tak petik nama2 lain dan siap boleh tawar menawar lagi ngan warden berapa hari nak gantung, pasal Trasher curi buah, dan paling best pasal TakSang makan tanah kena belasah ngan senior... malam tu memang sejarah, tercetus revolusi...

kisahnya, sekolah aku cam bodoh, amat mementingkan senioriti... semua benda form 4 tak boleh buat... baju kena masuk dalam, gi kelas tak boleh lalu shortcut, cam bodoh... asal wat hal, malam2 kena a tarik ngan form 5... tengok nasib la, kadang kena sekolahkan, kadang kena "motor", nasib tak baik kena belasah... time yang TakSang makan tanah tu, form 5 ramai2 tarik dia gi padang belasah ramai2... tak tahan punya pasal, kitorang yang form 4 ni pakat serang balik, masing2 bawak apa yang tercapai dek tangan... besi, kayu, hanger semua ada... ambik kau form 5 lari bersepah, kena kejar ngan "adik2 junior"... puas hati gila... merasa cepuk senior... kaw2 kena mana yang sempat dalam gelap pukul 3 pagi tu...

kesokan harinya, sepuluh orang form 4 kena panggil gi mahkamah warden, termasuk la aku... cam bodoh, nak bela kawan kena pukul, alih2 kitorng yang kena masuk mahkamah, konon perancang la... nasib baik tak kena gantung ke pe... tapi lepas tu memang form 5 tak kacau kitorg dah, tak nak tuck-in ke, nak lalu shortcut ke, nak fly ke, tu kitorg punya pasal... tau pon kecut...

dalam banyak2 era, era zaman sekolah la paling best kecuali erra fazira... kalau boleh rewind, aku nak kembali ke zaman tu... tak payah fikir pasal duit, belajar pon lebih kurang, enjoy je setiap masa, tanpa ada rasa tanggungjawab... harap2 anak aku nanti tak hadapi zaman sekolah cam aku, biar dia jadi budak baik yang bertemankan buku dan library sahaja...

siri seram2 kuku: penunggu...

semenjak aku habis sekolah, macam2 kerja aku pernah buat... walaupun part time dan tempoh masa paling lama pon 6 bulan, tapi cukup banyak memberi kesan pada aku... antara pekerjaan yang bertuah sebab dapat aku untuk melaksanakannya:

• sales assistant - 2 supermarket yang berbeza, satu dah bangkrap anak taukey songlap $
  
• general worker kilang - skop kerja meliputi sesimple housekeeping hingga secomplicated pasang mesin sebesar rumah, kenangan manis pernah terpaksa kerja dari 8pagi - 2pagi nonstop
  
• pump attendant - hijau merah baru lama, tahap bangla
• language counselor - position cam gempak kan? padahal hanyalah salesman penjual alat bantuan belajar bahasa ala linguafon
• paper checker - untuk Kumon bukan kuman, kerja senang gila tanda kerja rumah budak sekolah rendah
  
• brader burger - pencapaian terbaik aku adalah setting 27 daging special serentak, ada bran?
  
• banquet staff - jadi kuli hotel bagi makan cina kahwin dan annual dinner kilang
  
• steward - bukan dalam kapal terbang tapi panggung wayang, yang koyak tiket korang beli mahal2 dan bawak torch light ke hulu ke hilir dalam gsc seberang jaya dulu tu aku la
• waiter - Secret Recipe Taman Universiti Skudai, Fisherman's Grill Sg Ara Penang, Renela Cafe Sek9 Shah Alam dan terkini The Chicken Rice Shop Bukan Sekadar Nasi Ayam pok3
  

hari ini, genap seminggu aku kerja sebagai penunggu aka waiter di The Chicken Rice Shop plaza shah alam... part time je, rm4 sejam... dari duduk saja cuti2 sem ni, baik aku kerja... dapat duit tu memang lah motivasi utama, tapi selain daripada tu, pada aku banyak kebaikan buat kerja part time time2 cuti belajar ni...

pertama sekali, pengalaman la... duduk dalam tempurung kelas tu memang lah dapat ilmu, tapi setakat tu je la... ilmu untuk hidup takkan dapat nya... pengalaman paling best, aku pernah survive 2 minggu makan roti burger expired sahaja tiap2 hari... cam mat saleh makan roti je tak makan nasi, sengkek punya pasal... time kerja jugak dapat bergaul dengan macam2 jenis orang, macam2 tahap pemikiran... otak ada sikit bukak la...

aku paling suka kerja waiter, sebab kerja ni boleh melatih kesabaran... apa kau ingat senang nak tahan maki kalau salah hantar order? itu belum kira tumpahkan air atas customer lagi... tapi itu semua dugaan2 zaman dolu2, time awal2 aku berkecimpung dalam seni menatang juadah ni... sekarang alhamdulillah takde silap ambik order atau tumpah2 dah... dan aku juga semakin sabar, dah kurang baran dari dulu... dolu2 tau nak meletup je, tak padan kecik...

aku juga menyalahgunakan kerja part time untuk berlatih bercakap, build up soft skills and confidence level... dulu aku agak malu nak bercakap dengan orang tak kenal, especially dalam english... sekarang alhamdulillah boleh la sket2... setakat nak kencing mat saleh sesat tu boleh la... dan aku juga boleh praktis mandarin aku, maklumlah dan 14 tahun aku tinggalkan SRJK (C) Chung Ching kesayangan aku tu... paling best time jadi waiter dan ada customer cina yang tak tau aku faham apa dia cakap... macam2 rahsia boleh dengar... manyak syiok...

banyak lagi sebenarnya kebaikan buat part time ni, tapi aku tulis panjang2 pon bukan ada orang nak baca sangat... apa2 pon nasihat aku kepada yang masih belajar, cari la kerja part time time2 cuti ni walaupun bapak kau kaya raya, tahap ada Hummer tapi pakai untuk angkat buah sawit atau mempergunakan wang kertas untuk balut tembakau bikin lenteng... sesungguhnya pengalaman hidup itu tidak dapat dijual beli, ia tiada di tepian pantai, iman adalah mutiara... tak percaya tanya kumpulan Raihan...

anda kuat kentut? salurkan ia kepada penjana kuasa turbin angin

memandangkan aku masih gagal beatbox, nampak gayanya nak nena tukar strategi ke fartbox pulak... serius kentut aku boleh buat macam2 bunyi, siap boleh tukar2 key lagi...

finding a good friend in a bad place...

it's damn easy to find a movie that makes me laugh, but ones that me smile only comes by once in a while...

watching The Shawshank Redemption made me smile all the way... i know the movie is quite old, being released in 1994, but i never get the guts to watch it before... movies that won too many awards somehow scares me...

i never thought that a movie about prison life, can be full of life and as aspiring as this one... it's like watching three different movies in the same time (not because of the total running time of more than 2 hours, but due to its interesting plots and good storyline)... i guess stephen king is not only good in writing ghost stories and mysteries after all... casting Morgan Freeman as Red was already a good idea, but having him to do the narration as well was brilliant... it wouldn't be the same if it was done by Andy himself...

i was having a hard time to choose which line is my favourite in this movie, since every single thing that came out of their mouth means something... however, these are a few points to ponder...

Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane. -Red

Get busy living, or get busy dying. -Andy